I wanted to thank you both for an incredible and very surprising retreat in the Wonder Valley. And I wanted others to know about some of the impact of this work so that they may consider other options when dealing with health issues.My intention when I came to this retreat (my first) was to be as open as possible to whatever might unfold. With that in mind, on the day before I came I went to the hospital to receive the final MRI and x-rays for my right knee, which was scheduled for a full replacement three weeks after the end of the retreat. I thought that Qigong and the teachings would be helpful in the healing process after the surgery at the very least, and that the practices would be a good combination with my meditation practice.
What happened, however, was a real surprise. After months of sustained and often quite debilitating pain, from the moment I arrived at the retreat center I felt no pain in the knee. I learned the forms and was often on my feet for up to an hour or longer and felt no pain standing. Squats were a total surprise, again, no pain. Three Centers Merge, no pain. I had a difficult time at first accepting that there was a connection, but it became obvious over the two weeks that the qifield and group energy, along with the teaching of Yuan Tze were having a profound effect on me. This was difficult to trust at first because it basically shakes up my fundamental western understanding of how the body works and what is possible through a deeper understanding and use of the mind in the healing process. This is a tough understanding to change since it is so basic to our way of seeing the world.
But something happened on this retreat that requires a different take and it can’t be denied by my usual patterns of doubt and skepticism. Thank you, this has changed my life. I cancelled the surgery the day after I got home and now I have the pleasure of working with both my mind and my body in a totally positive and accepting way. That is a profoundly different way to look at the world and my place in it. I cannot thank you enough.
– Bill McMillan
A few months after surgery, I started experiencing a new phenomenon – whenever I would sit erect (dining chair), stand erect or lie down on a hard surface; I would go into back spasms that would become more volatile as I tensed up and would be left feeling exhausted with a new kind of back pain. This was a post-surgery development. I sought out the cause seeing neurosurgeons to no avail.
After a few years I acclimated to this situation by slouching, never sitting up properly and hunching my shoulders to ward off any possible spasm.
In the 1990’s, I joined a swim team and discovered that I had no ‘leg power’ and if I tried to kick my legs, my back would become inflamed. I would just drag my legs in the water.
In 2006, I had a total right knee replacement surgery. As I was doing my rehab, I noticed that the communication to my lower torso was blocked and felt that my legs and coordination were seriously compromised.
I became aware of Qigong in 2010 and I thought “what a wonderful physical and life altering practice” “a fast track to a higher level of well-being”.
I attended a 10-day Qigong retreat in Northern California and found myself shaking uncontrollably and becoming more volatile doing the physical movements as the week progressed. The movements exacerbated my long ago post operation trauma to the point of exhaustion. Conversely, I vowed to myself that this could be healed.
Throughout 2010, I kept practicing (to a degree) and frustrated with my anatomical malady.
A friend attended a retreat in New Zealand in November 2010 led by Yuan Tze and I saw her when she returned. Her presence and joy was mesmerizing. I knew I had found my new ‘teacher’ and a hope that I could have a healthy back.
I attended the Yuan Tze retreat in April 2011 held at a beautiful facility in Wonder Valley California. Although, I was very unstable and the actual physical practice was extremely challenging for me, I loved the teachings and felt that, finally, I had come home.
The mission statement “uplift yourself and help others” I responded to at a very deep level while the teachings to become calm, relaxed and natural took a few days to absorb (I am normally too mentally active to allow such a softening and soothing reorientation IN).
I progressed at a very conservative level with the physical movements – but I did progress. I knew this would not be easy, be quick to resolve and I also knew that I could totally cure or resolve my back condition.
The next scheduled retreat was in New Zealand in November 2011 and I knew I would be there.
A very close friend whom I met through practicing Qigong had suggested I see this amazing kinesiologist in Sonoma, CA and I scheduled the appointment in October 2011. What a wonder – he became my living Leonard Bernstein and my body became his symphony. He discovered very quickly that my psoas muscle did not engage (work).
The psoas muscle is responsible for stabilizing the base of the spine, allowing the spine to flex and rotating the hips for a free range of movement. And the psoas supports an upright posture and a flexible lower spine and hips. If the muscle does not engage, it limits free range of motion, support and causes lower back pain.
Finally, I “knew” what no one else was able to diagnose – the blockage to my psoas muscle was causing the nerves to fire generating the spasms and uncontrollable shaking. It also stopped the communication to my lower torso in many instances and the surgery area at L4-L5 felt dead, dark , almost black.
I attended the November retreat with this new insight which was a diabolical blessing. The good news was that I knew what was going on and the bad news was that I knew what was going on. In Qigong practice there is acceptance and converting the message to the brain that you are TOTALLY HEALTHY AND IMPROVED.
I was able to improve my physical movements throughout the retreat which was gratifying. The real value was, again, the teachings. Yuan Tze talked about our consciousness, our patterns and the false master. The Qigong movements became a vehicle to help support and incorporate the higher teachings into our consciousness. Building the Qi and raising our consciousness – AMAZING.
The next scheduled retreat was in April 2012 in Wonder Valley, CA.
It was during the healing session of day 3 – I was sitting in my chair very relaxed as we had been doing some ‘Pulling Qi’ and Yuan Tze started the ‘healing’ session (there was a healing session scheduled for every day of this retreat versus the 3 formal sessions during the previous retreats). He suddenly yelled a sound “zzhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” and did it two more times.
I knew instantly, felt instantly that whatever had caused the blockage in my back (scar tissue, or ?) dissolved. DISSOLVED. Exactly the same sensation/feeling when I awoke from my laminectomy knowing that the nerve pain was gone. It was a miracle. It was a transformation. I knew that the damaged nerves over the surgery area at L4-L5 were healed. That part of my back had been dead, barricaded, fraught with nerve pain that had paralyzed and cutoff my psoas muscle and cutoff communication between my upper and lower torso was healed.
The next day I felt the miracle and I started doing movements that had been blocked for a quarter of a century. No shaking. No nerve spasms. I could actually lift my leg and not shake.
And then my emotions started to well up as I became very emotional, almost like a rebirthing or being reborn or becoming “new”, the physical jail I had created – demolished. I could not speak about it in my normal detached self.
As the week progressed, physically, I felt like I just had the back surgery again as that area in my back was now completing the original surgery in a healthy way – very fragile, exposed, new – and I had to take great care in protecting it during this process.
The real challenge became the integration of the physical transformation into (and continues to be) my consciousness integrating my cured physical self into the teachings of my developing and uplifting consciousness.
I had an appointment with my kinesiologist post retreat and he verified no more nerve intervention and my psoas muscle is working normally. And he was ecstatic.
It’s been a few weeks since the April retreat ended and my miracle healing. I have assimilated my new found physical freedom into my life which has become almost a routine and “once upon a time…”
What’s more important is the continuation to enhance my health and to develop my life through the “Law of Life” incorporating the five fundamental principles of Yuan Tze Ren Xue.
It’s been almost 8 months since that amazing micro second of the healing: of the disintegration of the nerve cells that were firing and blocking my psoas; and the cloud of cells shrouding my lower back at L4 and L5 – the site of the surgery.
When you stop and think of the millions and billions of cells that make up our physical anatomy – our physical selves; it is an awesome contemplation and simultaneously relatively easy to grasp that some cells went bye bye. Cells that were physically injured, cells that were mentally and emotionally compromised and cells filled with the conscious QI that was directed to the injured area (where our mind/consciousness goes, Qi follows).
What is even more awesome is that our physical bodies are just an undetectable spec in the vastness and void of the universe where our consciousness dwells. Our physical bodies have form and our consciousness is formless. The healing had and has cellular form as it is still undergoing healing and positive changes in my body; a continuum, an ever-changing symphony of cellular sounds and movements.
What is even more stellar is the lessons and information that has opened and continues to be present in my consciousness; the vastness and possibilities; the newness and freshness of my physical and conscious self. The physical healing had an instant impact. That ever present healing on my consciousness is still in an embryonic state. The physical healing is a lesson, the healing on my consciousness stimulating expansiveness and the unending desire to continue this process. To study the levels, participate fully on my Ren Xue path and bring the joy of my life to others and the planet in all forms.
– Fred Miley
At some point I had the insight that I needed to be in a good state when practicing no matter what I was going through and I did my best to feel joyful, calm and relaxed, happy, nourished by Qi. I started to focus on my state, telling myself whatever was necessary to feel good, especially while practicing. I had been actually trying to go deeper into the pain thinking that this would shift it for me but I think that by focusing Qi and Shen on it in this way, it reinforced it and it became much worse. There is perhaps a subtle difference in complete avoidance of problems and patterns (hopeless) and going too deeply into them so that are strengthened by the Qi.
This helped some but then something really shifted for me going into the April retreat and I felt tremendously uplifted and immersed in a sense of well-being. I was privileged to work with a truly gifted Ren Xue therapist at this time and the resulting deep work shifted so much of what I had been going through. (This of course was a joint process, I was drowning in a whirlpool and someone offered me a hand. I still needed to reach out and grab it.)
At the retreat I felt better and there were moments when I felt I might slide back into the pit of despair but I realized that these were just patterns and I really didn’t need to pay any attention to them. This was revelatory. It really helped me to continue to cultivate a good state and hence stabilize my Qi and Shen. Then I “saw” an unconscious belief I had that my mother didn’t love me. This was amazing because it was not what my conscious mind believed and yet there it was and really at a fundamental, precognizant level. It appeared to me to be the root of many negative patterns and much suffering. This was so freeing to see this. Many deeply Qi depleting patterns revealed themselves as a result of seeing this belief that I perhaps brought with me along with the birth of this consciousness.
After some bumps and hiccups, (I’m quite certain there will be more) I am aware that the very angry negative background voice in my mind is pretty silent! Hallelujah! (let me pause to jump up and down!!!)
While at the retreat, I made the commitment to cultivate my consciousness as the focus of life from now on and whatever that entailed, realizing that it is a many faceted pursuit. I became aware that Yuan Tze will truly be my partner in this endeavor and that there is no “authority” there. This, for me, was a tremendous realization. I had been pushing against his “authority” but this “authority” was not even real. It was a concept born of my patterns. This was not helpful to my state and it was extremely helpful to recognize these patterns. I have learned that this work is a process and that there must be some time spent in preschool (or even a lot). Maybe this was the most important thing for me to learn: Just be willing to be a beginner. Then there is no self disappointment, criticism, success or failure. Just a willingness to show up and be present with no striving, pushing to be better than others etc. Those things really exacerbated my pain and my blocked Qi and Shen.
Sometimes it felt like I was adrift in a boat, a tremendous storm surging all around me, but I am so grateful for the whole experience. I feel like the resulting sense of well-being is like living in a graceful flow of supportive Qi.
In reading our first assignment for the Ren Xue study and Inquiry group which is the “Ten Features of Yuan Tze Ren Xue – brief Introduction”, I marvel how differently I was understanding these words and how truly helpful they are in understanding this process of Ren Xue. I have to say I am pretty sure that previously I did not have a very good understanding of what Ren Xue is and all it entails. Maybe it is an ongoing deepening process and as we go through each “gate” more light and clarity will shine on our understanding.
– Elaine Livengood
I got everything I came for, and more…
I wanted to share a couple of the experiences here.
Perhaps the most profound, was an astounding sense of integration I had for just a short while, maybe less than 10 minutes. I had been struggling most of the day with a gnarly pattern and felt very much stuck in feelings of self disgust from which I could not release myself. At some point I stopped fighting it and lifted it to my healthy consciousness, drawing from Yuan Tze’s lecture about this. All of a sudden I felt as if I was receiving an infusion of tenderness from my own dear consciousness, as if a beautiful smile was radiating down through my every cell, including every part of me, gnarly pattern and all. No part of me exiled or forbidden. I felt perfectly unified, and, in that, I experienced a stillness, connection and stability that continues to bring tears to my eyes when I think of it.
Another amazing experience came in regard to my intention of learning about love, or really, my resistance to love. It came in the form of the above-mentioned gnarly pattern which got to be played out internally throughout much of the retreat. I am aware of the pattern being with me since I was young, in my early teens. Without going into a lot of details, it involves my tendency to distort certain kinds of special connections/love and contaminate them with projections which result in my feeling disgusting, shameful, small and rejected. What might start as someone reaching out to me can get turned into a truly horrible feeling of worthlessness. Go figure… This pattern has played out so many times in my life where the outcome is that I unconsciously push the person away. It is one of my darkest places. I was face to face with this pattern even before the retreat started, and I asked for more information to be shown to me. As they say, be careful what you ask for. I endured several long days of struggling with the pattern and the feelings it evokes. I made matters worse by pressuring myself to stop the damage, even though I’m quite clear that if I could have I would have. I started feeling like a contaminant in the qifield and to the individual onto whom I was projecting. I struggled and struggled, trying to change my state, trying in every way I knew to release, pull out of, let go of this pattern. I had some moments of success with it lessening its hold, but it would come back again. One day I was so tired from fighting it so hard that I just sort of surrendered to it and decided to accept it as it was, even though it felt truly awful. As I walked over to sit by the lake I suddenly had a flash of my father’s voice calling me a parasite when I was a kid. For no reason I can think of. Just for . . . being. And that is exactly how I feel when in that state. Like a leech. It wasn’t a mental or psychological realization. It came from somewhere else. It felt like an alignment of body, mind and consciousness, an alignment that gave me powerful information to understand what was happening. I sat at the lake with tears streaming down my face, almost unable to catch my breath, as I understood for the first time that these words, which I had remembered before but not in this way, had had an impact on me, actually on a consciousness level. I was so happy to see this. I was crying from happiness! As I sat in this realization, I looked up at the leaves above me softly shimmying in the breeze, and I felt the sweetest warmth and again, tenderness, pour down upon and within me. I entered a state of something like amazement for the next hour or so. It was such a gift to get this information in this very integrated way. As it turns out it was my father’s birthday that day, though he’s not alive. What a wonderful gift he gave me for his birthday. I thanked him for showing me a pattern which likely was even there before he reinforced it.
Did the pattern go away? No. It came up several times again during the retreat. However, there was a shift. I was able to be more objective and not smother myself in shame. “Oh, there it is again… Poor poor pattern…” It didn’t consume me anymore.
And it’s a beginning. Now I can begin to do the work that Yuan Tze instructs us to do to work with patterns. I keep walking around saying I’m so grateful to have this information. An amazing gift from this retreat.
Deeper than thank you…
– Helen Greenspan
Inch by inch, row by row
Gonna make this garden grow
All it takes is my loving hand
As I open up inside
I sit here, with tears about to roll out of my eyes, my heart opening wide and filled with the most immense joy, as I reflect back on the retreat. The immense depth of compassion, of true caring, of humility that we built together day by day, was for me awe-inspiring. I know for sure that the future is so bright, that it only takes simple actions from each of us, to make such a profound difference.
It was a very beautiful opportunity to come as a teacher and be able to do qi healings. Within those moments and through teaching methods, it became clearer to me that life really is simple. That there is no need to try too hard, but to relax and just be within truth and love from the heart. That that is very true healing and a very rich way to live life.
But I think the biggest healings for me came from the other participants. From those who shared their healing stories and from those that came to ask questions. The power of your words and your states of being made big impressions on me and each one of you helped me to make a very big change in my overall life. And the ‘older’ people there. I mean those at the wonderful grandparenting age. The healing that you brought me was of a very deep and special quality. Please keep being those beautiful older and wiser people that you are. Treasures for humanity.
My consciousness also made a significant change. The tangle of life untangling and melting away. Perceptions, feelings, experiences, understandings, now more harmonious and unified. The complexity of consciousness becoming clearer to me, and I am truly grateful for this safe and effective path, as I see with increasing wisdom what I am and how and where to be.
And patterns, seeing more. Coming home and seeing what I need to do now, more and more how I really do create my own problems. And knowing, with a much quieter and stronger mind, that I just need to keep bringing them to light, having a good look at them, examining the aspects and working out what to do differently. And keep on doing differently.
For those embarking on this path, who are busy raising children. You can do this for sure. Just keep going step by step, and you will come to see that the challenges of doing this in everyday life will bring you a very deep strength.
With trust and deep faith in ourselves, standing deeply in the wisdom and beauty of life, there is so much possibility for us all.
With a deep gratitude to Melissa and Yuan Tze for providing wonderful opportunities for growth and development, to the ancient people who worked to discover the treasures of Ren Xue, to all of you who were there, and my family for making it possible to me to come. Thank you for helping me to transform, grow and develop my life into something far beyond my expectations. It is truly beautiful to walk this path together, never far from each other at all.
– Dr Jeanette Spencer
What was exciting about this understanding were the insights which followed.
One of the patterns I came to the retreat with a big intention to change was the HUGE resistance I have had to consistent Qigong practice. I REALLY wanted a breakthrough because I know practicing Qigong is good for me and when I DO do it I do enjoy it! And yet the resistance… So when he said “love yourself, you are useful, you are valuable” I got it. I am those things, and so are we all. And I saw the connection between not loving myself and not doing good things for myself (which includes Qigong practice). Running a deep belief of ‘I’m not good enough, I’m not worthy’ etc, it makes sense that loving, healthy actions would contradict those beliefs and would therefore be difficult to put into action. So I saw the connection between lack of self love and not doing what I know is good for me.
Whilst I had already spent many years working on this issue, the insight came at a very deep level, and as anyone who has done retreats with Yuan Tze knows, our ‘False Master’ is set in our consciousness at a very deep level.
In a nutshell: self-love, self-recognition and self-approval lead to healthy actions, behaviours and results, whilst lack of these things leads to the opposite. Which would you prefer?
I look forward to seeing how this insight plays out in my Qigong practice!
– Kim Knight
During the first retreat and because I stared without blinking (as Yuan Tze suggested this exercise to learn how to be focus) on a dark grape, I could see the beginning of the “light”.
The next day, I could see the brightness inside my neck when Jeanette sent a healing Qi in it. She then told me that maybe one day I may see my organs. I saw them the next day, during the 3CM form. Since then, it is increasing a bit, when I stare just a bit over anything, I keep like an X-ray the shape of the forms inside me, then colors arrived, etc… I am only telling that because it is related to the fact that I understand at least a bit, why we are all connected and everything has and “is” information. At each retreat, the capacity to see more increased but it is still of course very limited. I have no doubt about that, and that is not the point of this message at all, but part of it.
So: When we understand how our negative emotions and disturbance can affect our internal flow, and the fact that we have approximately 80% water inside our body, we get how badly we can be unbalanced. Then we can picture how, when disturbed, we no longer have a nice smooth flow inside; rather, let’s say it is more “edgy waves” and blockages happen.
I recalled in Voyage to the Shore Part 1, Level 4, reading about Yuan Tze’s comments on how water crystal was shown in different shapes, depending of the “thank you” or “shit” said by our consciousness. So positive or negative affected the way water reacted. Likewie, when we are upset or in general, disturbed in a negative way, our Qi flow gets disturbed.
So: If I am not in a good mood and my internal flow is not going smoothly, I will provoke ‘waves’ instead of a nice and steady flow… since we are all connected and wired together as I know now, those ‘waves’ will be “felt” and will affects as well people around me… directly around me, so affecting the qifield, but also, on a different level, EVERYONE, and EVERYTHING… as water is everywhere on Earth and the Universe?
So: the more people unhappy, the more ‘waves’ created, affecting EVERYONE with a different degree of proportion… and affecting all living creatures, cells, as well as of course rivers, seas, EVERYTHING… That is I believe now very much how disorders can be created as thing like huge Tsunami. So WE, as human being, create, with our personal state, everything that is happening when not in a good state. We, personally, are responsible for everything. So when someone around me is unhappy, I certainly cannot anymore think “well, it’s his life! If he cannot make it better or understand, that is “his” problem”. No, it is MY PROBLEM as well because his unhappy state is going to affect me as everything else, and since we never really “die”, he is as well poisoning my whole existence as everyone and everything else. THIS IS HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And, on top of it, when for example there is a pile of sand and we are digging on one side, the other side will be affected and eventually, lost its balance and crashed until balance is reach again… so again, events like Tsunami, Earthquake, anything happening could be the actions of the human, living against the law of life. So the more desires, so the more resources taken out of the Earth, the more unbalance for everyone.
So seeing someone buying more than necessary, either spoons, clothes, a huge house, new cars, whatever, it can be anything that is not necessary for living our life. This person is living damaging my own existence to come and for everyone and of course, himself. We are killing everything and everyone living this way: taking more resources out of our own balance under our feet… we are little by little, building our own death.
THIS IS HUGE. It even could create a huge human drama, genocide even? If people not ready where suddenly aware of this reality: they could become aggressive seeing people buying more than they need, feeling that they are damaging themselves; you know, like people reacting in “don’t put any garbage on my property”. This is huge.
And here I was, with my own little problems, and delaying the fact I should begin to create classes for Ren Xue and Qigong, thinking that I am not ready, and I rather continue to only talk with people around me in a friendly way, people I do have conversations with. And if anyone is really interested into classes, send them to Sabine.
And when they stopped working, I thought: “well, they are not ready… “. But of course we should find a way, without insisting because there is nothing we can do to make people work on their life anyhow and I should continue to talk and more and more around me, and certainly stop thinking: “Oh well, I will create classes when I am ready and not “shy” anymore on the language barrier”…
What a shame! To stay hiding is not possible anymore. I should take entire responsibility and not sleep anymore. Anyone not feeling good, no matter who he is, it is “my” problem.
This is HUGE!!!!!!
And Yuan Tze and Melissa are there, quietly sitting with patience, trying to pass the messages that we should be “happier”. Oh my!!!!!!!! Incredible!!!! Yuan Tze knows that since a long time, and yet, he still can listen to our simple questions of “how can I get along with my partner”…… incredible…..!!!!!!! I am more and more perplexed on the huge capacities Yuan Tze has inside him, this is really huge, we damage everything, everyone, and yet, he has the wisdom to wait until we are ready.
I am feeling so different today. I feel like another human being; I am no longer the Sylvie with the selfish comportment as to take care of myself and my loved ones and be one with Nature and all living creatures only. I have the duty and responsibility as well now, to be ONE with all the people around me, how is that for an improvement? How is that with my pattern to judge the others and think “right or wrong” usually? HUGE.
And yet, I did not “re-read” again all the books Yuan Tze did, another dimension of his messages to humanity may arise again, that I have no clue yet of course…any day, any retreat. I don’t know “where” Yuan Tze is really, but I am perplexed. If I am not wrong on those sentences (I hope it was clear enough and it was not a nightmare to understand ☺), I will never ever be the same. Suddenly, I feel “mature” and responsible. Another dimension took place inside me. A huge one.
Thank you is ridiculous, but I put my whole existence and heart into it. I am amazed, really…
– Sylvie Jutras